Spiderman 2

Painful. That is, perhaps the easiets way to describe two-thirds of this movie. Maybe it's just because right now, in my personal life, I feel very much like Peter Parker, torn between a variety of different choices, none of which seem to work properly. Irregardless, for the first two-thirds of the movie we watch Peter Parker get slammed and downtrodden step after step. His life is out of balance, Spiderman interferes with every aspect. For the first hour of the film, we watch Peter walk around with bloodshot eyes, deep purple bags, and a slouch in his walk. It is amazingly painful to watch our superhero struggle with his humanity. But, without all this suffering, the final act would not be nearly so liberating. For those who havn't seen the movie yet, I'm not going to tell you what happens, as it's a little unexpected, but what it yields is very fulfilling.
While I've heard alot of praise for the fight on the train, I'm going to have to say that the section on the clocktower is my favorite. Partially because I decided that long ago when I first saw the trailers. Additionally because of the technology. It isn't that we lack the technology to seamlessly integrate actors into CG environments, it's that actors, in those environments, lack a tactility to make their acting blend in seamlessly. Standing on top of a speeding train puts you in a very intense situation in regards to the laws of physics. Not only are you dealing with gravity, but also inerita, friction, and wind resistance, a scenario very hard to replicate in front of a blue screen. This leads to something that should have it's own name, where actors don't appear to belong to the same world as the CG background. Typically lighting is a major culprit in these situation, but so are texture, camera focus, and the laws of physics. The scene on the side of the clocktower, all they have to replicate is gravity, and because the clocktower isn't moving, you have a static, real-life background to use for close-ups, reducing the problems of texture and focus.

Total: 83

Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls

The second Ace Ventura movie really just tries too hard. there are some really funny jokes, but most are either recycled in predictable ways from the first, or are just not funny. It's best jokes are chitty-chitty-bang-bang through the jungle, rhino birth canal, and the torture scene where he rubs the silverware across the plate, then pokes his eyeball. All the "enlightened one" jokes suck, as do the animal activist jokes.

Total: 82

Saturday Night Fever

This is an example of a movie that has become so ingrained into our social fabric as far as references, parodies, and rip-offs are concerned, that a very large portion of people in our age group are familiar with it and have never actually watched it. Then when you sit down and watch it you find out that it's alot different than just that cultural perception has built in your mind. Part of the reason, I would suppose, would be that the afforementioned references and parodies have integrated their way into just about every genre and target audience. Part of the problem is the close mental associatoin to Footloose and Dirty Dancing. The resulting mental association is that these three movies are all in the same category. Footloose is rated PG and Dirty Dancing PG-13, creating a pretty big mental hole when it comes to the fact that SNF is R.

Total: 81

The Chronicles of Riddick

I enjoy a good cheese crusade every now and then. No, this isn't the greatest movie out there. It isn't even, theoretically speaking, a good movie. But it is enjoyable. I'll start with what sucks. The script is, at times, atrocious. It's commendable that the actors manage to carry through them. At least, some of them. Others among the cast are quite less than bullet-proof and almost scare you with how horrible their dialogue sounds. I have an icy glare at Thandie Newton here. Unfortunately, Dame Judie Dench is not at the top of her game, seems rather uncomfortable in her role most of the time, and always has a sort of can-we-get-this-over-with way of doing things. Her character has an odd relationship with Lord Marshal, but its depth is never explained. It was probably in the script, but trimmed to keep things moving and to keep this movie from over-staying its welcome. Something that sits between flaw and insignificant is that, like Pitch Black, most of the characters have names, but you really only pick up the main ones. Of course, that is probably just my problem, and everyone reading this is squinting their eyes at their screen right now. On to the good stuff. I really like the artistic design. The ships all look distinguishable, between the three different sources we see, and they all look absolutely nothing like Star Wars or Star Trek. Don't get me wrong, I love those two franchises, but it's too easy to rip them off rather than come up with something unique in the design department. There was a particular effect that they used that I felt added a lot to it, and that was that all the ships had a very noticeable engine trail. Be it heat, gravitronic distortions, dark magic, whatever, doesn't matter, the fact that the ships acted like they actually have engines and don't just fly seamlessly around like vector graphics helps you believe their actually space-craft, no matter how weird they look. The script doesn't apologize to the audience either. I can think of some specific comparisons. A lot of sci-fi movies (I'm looking at you Episode I) have to find a way of explaining everything to the audience, and they usually do it through some kind of ignorant character who needs a refresher course on history. Sometimes this isn't such a big deal, typically when the information is very specialized, i.e.. the genetic explanations and Dr. Malcolm's rants in Jurassic Park, or when the characters handle it like normal people handle it, point form (original Planet of the Apes.) However, there are times (Episode I) where everybody just seems to be a fountain of knowledge, and willing to take the time to explain what should be common information (Corruscant is one giant city!) when normally they'd not have to explain any thing ("Why you no good, scruffy looking, Nerf herder!" I don't know what a Nerf is, but it sounds not-good.) Riddick doesn't pamper us with lengthy histories on the origins of their universe. They fill in why the Necromongers are bad, and why Riddick is important. As for the origin of their known universe, to the best I can figure out, humans left earth and found the universe to be an empty and lonely place. So they started filling it. Thousands of years later each system has come to consider itself to be a distinct race, springing from common human heritage, but possessing traits unique to their adopted heritage, results of natural adaptation. I like that I've been in a position to figure that out on my own. It's interesting, but it doesn't drive the story. Too much Sci-fi assumes that their elaborate environments are the source of 'good' (Matrix 1-3) and spend a lot of time establishing those environments, occasionally literally touring them, and making them bigger, deeper, and more elaborate at every turn. Establishing Matrix 1 was fine, it put us in a place to feel empathy for humanity, like there was a greater good for our heroes to fight for. Endless talks about rogue programs, exiles, how programs die, do programs feel, there's a key-maker program, a defense program, a fortuneteller program, a vampire program, a virus program, a hot-dog vendor program, and a program that listens to the secret thoughts of little children when they touch themselves, it all bogs things down. I like being allowed to use my imagination to figure out the peripherals and extras (not the plot Matrix 3!) and riddick gave me an opportunity to do that for a night.
I had a good time.

Total: 80

Moulin Rouge

The first exposure that I had to this movie was the music video for Lady Marmalade where a dozen celebrity skanks got even more skank than normal and did their skanky thing on screen. I wouldn't say I vowed to never see the movie, but I definitely decided it wasn't on my list. Until a bunch of friends of mine, who had actually seen the movie, invited me to go. So I went and loved it. It really is a great movie. Baz Luhrman is a nut-case of the highest order, and his storytelling techniques can easily be considered presumptuous, indulgent, audacious, and pretentious to the highest degree if you don't concede the point that they work and are delightfully entertaining. Heck, I do concede that point, and I still can admit that the "Like a Virgin" scene is unbelievably indulgent. It's just very hard to hold that against the movie when you like it so dang much.

Total: 79

Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace

I actually think that I like Episode Poo better than this one, now that I've seen the two in close proximity to each other. In Phantom Menace we have to put up with what is now apparent as the most condescending tone of voice that I've experienced in film in recent memory. This all comes from Lucas' idea that Star Wars has always been a kind of Saturday morning cartoon. The result is fart jokes, characters with dorky accents, and an ultra-sterilized world. We hear a number of references to the people of Naboo "suffering" and casualties numbering "in the thousands," but we never actually see any suffering. Actually, we never see the people of Naboo. The invasion of the Trade Federation is, apparently, unresisted until the fighting that we see at the end. The leaders of the Trade Federation are soft, their businessmen and politicians, and their army is made of robots that do exactly what they are commanded to do, nothing more or less. Summary executions and fear mongering are not exactly their forte. I don't need to see people being shot in the streets, but it's hard to believe that the Trade Bosses are doing little more than stopping by for a visit when all you see of the place is well-swept streets and freshly watered plants. One of the things that has always confused me about the Trade Federation motives is that Naboo doesn't seem to have any exploitable industry. Yes, it does have plenty of rescources: water, lumber, and no doubt other precious minerals and such, but that doesn't seem to be their industry. Their primary export, from all evidence derived from the two movies, is politicains. The trade federation never says why they're there.
Beyond that are everything that everyone else has said before: I can't beleive ultimate evil just said "yipee."
Actually, there is one other thing: Anakin and his mom are the least opressed slaves ever.

Total: 78

Blade Runner

I had a really long analysis of this favorite movie in progress, then Dri wanted to check her Blog. She said she saved it as a draft, but apparently Blogger realyl didn't care about that small fact. It's lost. I don't remember what I said, and I'm too tired to think it up right now.

Total: 77

The Matrix: Reloaded

Welcome to Club Zion. Thursdays are ladies night. New to the scene? Don't know what to expect? Expect machines!

If I have to sum up the story, you've been living under a rock. Ever since the first movie came out I've been unable to grasp the hype that surrounds the philosophy of The Matrix. Well, I shouldn't say i can't grasp it, because I can. It's a bunch of teenagers who never did the required reading in High School being suddenly struck by the fact that there's a world outside the suburbs that has existed for thousands of years without MTV. Without sitcoms, music videos, shock jocks, or reality TV these cultures and civilizations devised things such as art, philosophy, religion, dance, sculpture, theatre, and lore. The Wachowski brothers have collected sound bytes from major philosophers and the synapses from the back of prognosicative 20th century literature, blended it together with our modern love for imaginary violence and dreams of being superheroes. What we get is an action-packed ride through dangerous situations that exist because they're cool, peppered with references to the nature of free choice, the nature of love, the nature of consiquence, and the nature of loss. I guess I shouldn't be so elitist and should feel happy that there are movie like Matrix opening the way for more serious examinations of the nature of humanity and morality, but when all people really pick up is "there is no spoon" it's hard to believe that people will go see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind because they liked how The Matrix made them think.

I do enjoy these movies, really, I promise, but I also have to admit that my ability to enjoy them is dampened by the mass cultural acceptance, vocally flaunted as being on the grounds that it's "deep," followed by a wide scale apathy to venture beyond The Matrix. I don't know how many people I've wanted to kick in the teeth because of conversations like the following.

"Man, I loved The Matrix. It was so deep."
"Yah. Hey, if you liked that, you'd probably like Blade Runner too."
"Never heard of it."
"It's a little bit older, but it's really good. Has alot of the same kinds of ideas."
"Uh, I dunno if I'd go for that."
"well, did you like Equilibrium?"
"Oh yah, that was cool too. It was like The Matrix. You know, deep and all."
"Yah, alot of the ideas in those two came from movies like Blade Runner, Brazil, 1984, and A Clockwork Orange. You should watch them some time."
"I dunno. I really just like The Matrix. It's got bullet time."

I'm normally more positive about these movies, but for whatever reason this is what's on my mind about it all right now.
I've talked before, with friends, about the challenge that the W brothers must have faced in wrting the second two movies, the third in particular. Tehy had two much material to fit into one movie, so they split it between two. It basically breaks down like this: zion is threatened by the machine attack which some believe can be prevented by The One, and the machines are threatened by the Smith virus. We spend the entire second movie focusing on Neo trying to avert the war, only to find out that the prophecy didn't refer to ending the war in a way that those living would find favorable. Like the architect says "there are levels of survival we are willing to accept." The idea was that they were exploiting the flaw in the anomaly, that The One would feel the same about humanity, that The One would be willing to accept certain levels of survival, a general survival of humanity as a whole, over the survival of any one individual particularly when the alternative results in a fatal system crash and the destruction of humanity. At the end of the second movie Neo takes the choice that is supposed to ultimately lead to a fatal system crash (the consiquence of the unbalbancing factor individual choice inflicts on the system) a system crash that is never mentioned again. during the second movie the Smith viruus spends it's time on a personal vendetta, trying to destroy Neo. the threat that it poses on the system as a whole isn't mentioned, really, until the last quarter of the third movie. The first three quarters of the third movie are spend preparing for the physical attack of the machines and trying to get Neo out of Limbo. Having things spread across the two films in such a chunky manner is rather disorienting, tending to make the two feel llike they don't really correlate with each other, the interaction with the Architect having no impact, and the Smith threat coming out of nowhere. Ultimately, the big hole in the ending of the third movie is that nothing is done to prevent the ultimate fatal system crash. So, one could look at it in such a way that Neo struck a deal with the machine god that freed those who wanted to be free and condemned those who didn't want to be free to die in an eventual fatal system crash that there is no way to prevent because there is no more One, dooming the machines to the "certain level of survival" they were prepared to accept.
Of course none of this is apparent from actually watching the movie. It all has to be inferred, not from analysis, but from an attempt to figure out what the hell happened.

Total: 76

Saved!

This is an uncommon little movie. Following a group of outcasts at a Christian high school we get a movie that doesn't deride Christianity or mock christ, but instead embraces the principles of the Bible and focuses it's criticism on the casual culture that has formed around religion. For example there is a scene where Pastor Skip (the head of the school) and Mary's mother are having dinner and Pastor Skip is relating a conversation he'd had earlier with a co-worker "so I tell him, you know I can't tell the difference between Christian music and Secular music anymore, and he says that's the point, grab their interest." The thing I find interesting about this line is that it's drawing out this point that Christianity, or the culture surrounding it, has become something that it's not supposed to be. So many people have feared being truly different than the world that they have remodeled Christianity after the very things the Bible councels them to avoid in lasciviousness and base selfishness. The effect on the other end of this is that the adherants to this culture lose sight of the real meaning of being a Christian, ostracizing and persecuting the sinnners and strangers instead of welcoming them with warm arms and helping hands. Another line that serves to pull out this cultural observation, the desperate attempts to have Christian versions of everything worldly, is when we are first introduced to Patrick, the skateboarding son of Pastor Skip. The teacher introduces him to the class as having just returned from a world tour with the Christian Skateboarders and Cassandra, the smoking Jewish girl at the back of the class, says "Christian Skateboarders? Is nothing sacred to you people?" Of course the best line in the movie comes from Mary after Hillary Fay and her friends attempt to exorcize Mary in a bizzar drive-by intervention. As Mary walks away from their lunacy Hillary Fay throws her Bible at mary's back. Mary turns around, picks the book up and says, with a commendable ammount of despiration, "This is not a weapon. You idiot." and walks away.
After a prief glance at the IMDB bbs it's apparent that alot of people are judging this movie for what they percive it as being. I find that funny soley on the grounds that that is the attitude that Saved! is rejecting. But at the same time Saved! is not promoting an anything-goes relativity. It allows itself to admit that Mary has done something wrong, she made a mistake both logically and morally, but in a truly Christian way it accepts her for who she is and seeks to help her out of her predicament rather than condemning her to her misery. It says that as long as we're willing to try and change, willing to love one another and learn from our actions, we're not beyond hope.
Total: 75

The Sixth Sense

I'm not entirely sure just how many times I've seen this movie before, but it must be said that I love it for many different reasons. The event that brings us to watch it this time is that I was going to be meeting some friends out camping in the mountains, so i figured bring a ghost story. We watched it on my laptop while sitting around the campfire. It was really quite nice. Perhaps what I love most of all about the work of M. Night Shyamalan is how he treats texture and colour, almost like they are characters of the movie aswell. Plus you add in Bruce Willis. For his reputation as an action hero he has, underneith, an excellent talent at conveying the emotions of stress, confusion, and loss. I've always apreciated how generally mature and professional his characters are. He may not be Ben Kingsley, but that's why there's only one Ben Kingsley. I enjoy this movie because it allows itself to be a story, to have a point, and let the action tell that story, make that point, rather than say to itself "we havn't seen enough ghosts, there havn't been enough spooky moments, we need to add more in." It's ghosts aren't supernatural beings with a malice towards humanity, they are everyday people who havn't left yet. If they are frightening, malicious, angry, or vengeful, it is because those are the things that we allow ourselves to become while we are alive.

Total: 74

The Last Samurai

I remember when I first heard about this movie, and saw that it was starring Tom Cruise I hung my head in shame, suspecting that Tom Cruise was the title character. Thankfully, he's not, and this is an entirely different movie than that image would have been. Initially we started watching this movie a month ago, made it through the first half hour, then circumstances prevented us from finishing.
Ken Watanabe is amazing as the leader of the Samurai forces who are staging a rebellion both against and for the good of the empire. He lives in a world of ideals and strived perfections that gives him empowerment over his world.
Tom cruise is a raging alcoholic and an army captain. At the same time.
Among my favorite lines comes from when Tom Cruise tells Colonel Bagley "I'll kill jappos, i'll kill the enemies of jappos. Hell, for five-hundred dollars a month I'll kill anyone you want. But I want you to remember, I'd gladly kill you for free."

Total: 73

Schindler's List

We watched both of these movies in the same day, so I figured that I would save all my rambling about the holocaust for my post on this movie, but my observations apply to both. There is a certain ammount of evil within every man, woman, and child that will grow and fester and destroy if given the right conditions and spurred by the right cause. In the same stroke, there is a certain ammount of good within each of us that will do the same under comprable circumstances. Nowhere do we see this more beautifully and barbarously depicted than in those mediums attempting to grasp the quantity and quality of suffering we are able and disposed to inflict on one another during times of war. From the general's comment "They have no future. This is not just the old Jew hating talk. Now it's policy." to Schindler's "I could have saved one more, and I didn't." we attempt to comprehend the scale of life, how the choices of individuals affect nations, and how the paths of nations sculpt the choices of individuals. How do these people become who they are? Schindler observes of Amon Goeth that he would otherwise be quite an enjoyable fellow, but here in this time of war we get a man who drifts to an almost sub-human level, his life ending at the end of a rope for crimes against humanity.

Total: 72

The Pianist

For starters, I really wish I hadn't just cut all my hair off because then I would be several inches closer to having hair like Adrien Brody.
Adrianna and I have been meaning to watch this movie for several months, but this is one of those "things come up" situations where we never get around to it. Well, we fianlly did get around to it, and I'm glad we did, but aside from the hair I'm not sure where to begin with this so I'm rambling away.
I give this movie a hearty recommendation, even though I'm probably the last person in the free world who hasn't seen it. I suppose I should mention the one touch that I was most tickeled by and that would be the can of pickels that he finds while wandering around the ruins. I loved the little character touch, the sense of desperatism, that is displayed by his interactions with the can. He has reached a level of such dispair that the sheer possibility of food is all that matters to him. I love when the German officer is asking him questions and, when asked what he's gdoing, he responds "Trying to open this can." No plea for pitty, or begging for his life, because that no longer matters. Just trying to open this can so I can eat. Otehrwise I'm forefit anyway. Yah, I really can't infuse the description with the same charm as the moment.

Total: 71

Van Helsing

Rated PG-13 for non-stop creature action violence, frightening images and sensuality.
That's the official MPAA breakdown of Van Helsing. Even the MPAA has apparently been bought out to sell just how exciting movies really are. It's not just "violence" or "animated violence" or "comic mischief" anymore, it's "non-stop, edge-of-your-seat, this movie is going to lick out the inside of your skull kind of action."

So, the actual movie was quite entertaining, but mostly because Adrianna and I spent our time mud slinging. For example, the movie stars Hugh Jackman who is better known as Wolverine, so there must be some Wolverine type reference. Signed sealed and delivered. To give you an idea of how this film law works, watch the first X-Men movie again. Ray Park plays Toad. Ray Park also played Darth Maul in Episode 1 the summer before, so there must be a Darth Maul reference in there. What do we get? After Toad drops Storm down an elevator shaft he gives us a quick little move with the bar he's carrying that mimicks exactly a move he uses in Episode 1, only there he had a lightsaber.
Another fine detail contained in Van Helsing also concerns the cast. Hugh Jackman is joined by four pairs of breasts which are each ruined in turn. Several of these pairs really deserve our respect for what they're able to carry off, if you think about things not in terms of being a movie on screen. Think about what these people are doing in terms of the fact that they're actual people standing around acting these things out. Want an example? Of course you do! After the experiment to bring Dracula and his three pairs of breasts' offspring to life (there are thousands of them, but since he's had three pairs of breasts to himself for hundreds of years, do you blame hiim?) fails and all the little bastards blow up in mid-flight the two POBs still alive wail and moan with a startling amount of energy. I can imagine the director telling them "I want you to wail and gyrate against each other. Try to find some kind of line between distressed and erotic." To gain some greater apreciation of how humiliating this must look in real life when you strip away the CG background, the soundtrack, and the theatre, pick up a copy of Queen of the Damned and watch Aaliyah's blooper reel. What was believable in the movie when she had the funky effects overlaid on her voice suddeenly becomes degrading and humiliating.
Must not forget to mention the presence of several scenes where the vampires are standing on the roof, upside down for no apparent reason. But there is a reason! Two, actually. One: because it gives an excuse for an effects shot. Two: three POBs hanging upside down wearing low cut dresses? There's a reason they're POBs.
Despite these being detractions from the movie, theyr're teh substance it's made of and pretyt much the reason it's enjoyable. Don't suck on rock sugar and complain it's too sweet.
I could go on about Carl, the monk who can get away with all kinds of things because he's "still just a friar" and some honsetly glaring inconsistancies (how did the other carriage get across the chasam?) but I'll let you discover these gems on your own.

Total: 70